hell_in_highheels: (Default)
I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.  ~Anais Nin

Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
  ~Anais Nin


hell_in_highheels: (golden eyes)
"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you." ~Roy Croft

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
~Lao Tzu


hell_in_highheels: (Default)
There is a note folded into quarters and tucked beside his terminal  She probably left it there before she went to bed last night.  Usually, she leaves him research notes, bits of technical information about the neural recorder, or interesting tidbits completely unrelated to anything; just something that she thought he might enjoy or that she found curious.  But those are typically on clean white note paper, and usually are only fragments or snippets.

This is an old scrap of paper, brown with age, crumbling at the edge.  Unfolded, he can see it is a full page of text in her own hand, but clearly copied from another source.
hell_in_highheels: (Default)
"Whatever the outcome may be, the important thing is to step forward on the path that you believe is right." ~Daiasku Ikeda
hell_in_highheels: (working)
Research notes 2009-0406 23:17:21
Waxing Moon, Three days until Full Moon
Terran Lycanthropy, Species 1010
One life form with two cyclically alternating physical forms:
Humanoid & Bipedal human-wolf hybrid
Subjects refer to themselves as 'infected', though in talking to Dr. Wesker and Sgt. Wells, I know no evidence of infection has ever been successfully documented.
 
If you're reading this, I have a favour to ask.
Primary transition upon 'infection' is nominal, indeed, imperceptible to the untrained eye.  Rapid healing, to the point that twentieth century projectile weapons do not present a significant threat.
If I ask you to do this, I need you to not question me.
Human senses are augmented into the range of canine abilities.  Scent becomes a significant method of interaction.  Humans communicate emotions through scent, and the 'infected' subject Richard easily picks up on a vast array of information.  I marvel at his ability to process both streams of information, verbal and olfactory, at the same time.
I need you to understand that I've done the research.  I've given it a significant amount of thought..
He picks up on contradictions between spoken words and scent, and can easily sense the veracity of a statement.  He can determine a person's intent, often I think before they even know it themselves. 
When I ask you, I need you to breathe in my scent, so that you know.  I love you, more than mere words can express, and I need you to trust me in this.
He has enhanced physical strength and reflexes.  Unsure to as to when these qualities initially manifested, but I suspect from the moment of complete transference.  I suspect that in a sufficiently advanced laboratory, we could confirm the existence nanogenes, though Wells hinted at magic.  I dispute this diagnosis, but his experience is far greater than mine.
When the day comes that I come to you and I ask you to do this, I need you to set aside your own fears for me and trust that I understand exactly what it is I am asking of you.
I suspect nanogenes due to the rapid increase in mass during the transition to the wolf form, which Richard says lasts less than a minute.  And which he informs me is incredibly painful.  I can only imagine what it is like to experience one's internal structures rearranging themselves violently.  (Note to inquire of CAL whether this can be accomplished in simulation.)
If you're still reading this, I know you are flush with indignation, your instinct to protect me assaulting your rationality. I understand that, believe me I do.  And if you find you can't, please tell me now, that I may spare us both the humiliation of me asking and you having to refuse.

If you feel that you can do this for me, then there is no need to say anything.  When the time comes, all I ask is that you do this for me, without questioning. And I promise you, I will not ask this of you unless I am sure that it is what I want.  With all my heart and mind.

Know that you're in my heart and in my thoughts, always.  I love you, Richard.  I have no idea how or why it happened so swiftly and so completely, I only know that it has.  And I'm not inclined to question it.  It would feel like questioning the inevitability of daybreak. It just is.  And I'm am more than content to let it be. 

Yours,
~River

hell_in_highheels: (Default)
"Never apologize for showing feeling. 
When you do so, you apologize for the truth."
~Benjamin Disraeli
"Love is trembling happiness."
                 ~Kahlil Gibran

hell_in_highheels: (Default)
"He who is in love is wise and is becoming wiser, sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved, drawing from it with his eyes and his mind those virtues which it possesses."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt."
~ Wm. Shakespeare

hell_in_highheels: (full moon)
Day 1: Full moon tomorrow night.

He looked at me over breakfast. There was a wildness and a longing in his eyes, but I cannot say whether it was for me or for some other place, some other life.

He pressed his cheek to mine for a long moment before kissing me once, so briefly, and then he was gone. I wanted to follow him, like Damocles tight at his heels. My heart was in my throat as I watched the lakeside door close behind him.

He didn't look back.

I think I'm most glad of that. I wouldn't want him to see the tears on my cheeks.

~~~
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell.
~Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892 - 1950), Letters
Day 2: Full moon tonight.

I can't eat. My mouth has no use for food.

I drink tea because I have always drank tea, even in the machine, when food held no purpose.

I miss that damned Doberman, too.

Gods, I hope he's okay.

~~~
My thoughts are my company; I can bring them together, select them, detain them, dismiss them.
~ Walter Landor (1775 - 1864)
Day 3: Full moon just gone.

Last day...

He's done this for two years without me sitting here waiting for him. This is just the way of things.

This is how it will be every month for the rest of my days, if I stay with him.

I can do this. This is nothing compared to 37,000 cycles as a data ghost. This is nothing compared to meeting @ again and having him not recognise me. This is a piece of cake.

He will be tired when he gets home, I imagine. A hot bath and a massage maybe. Sleep, I suspect, and well earned.

I will watch him sleep with a full heart.
To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.
~Anna Louise Strong

hell_in_highheels: (Default)
"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope."
~ Alexandre Dumas Père
"Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours."
~ Mark Twain

hell_in_highheels: (looking down)
It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.
~ Christian Nevell Bovee
Rest in reason; move in passion.
~ Khalil Gibran
Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what he loves.
~Blaise Pascal



hell_in_highheels: (looking down)
We are wiser than we know.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is no remedy for love but to love more.
~Henry David Thoreau

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River Song

November 2009

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