hell_in_highheels: (looking down)
[personal profile] hell_in_highheels
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Space.

She just needed a little breathing room, and time to think. He made it very difficult to focus on practicalities. Seemed he had only to quirk an eyebrow at her, and her heart went all pitter pat. Stuff and nonsense. She was a grown woman, not some lovesick school girl.

Oh but she was smitten.

Hence the need for space. A little air around the situation, give the pheromones and endorphins a chance to clear. She could make decisions when her head was clear. She'd retreated to the bar's library, intent on getting some work done. She had no idea what was here and now was the perfect time to look.

She'd played this game once before and lost. No, he had been too much to keep. She'd known that from the very beginning. And it hadn't stopped her then either.

This thing with Richard felt different. Stronger somehow, though she'd thought her marriage would last. Stronger than even that. It felt... permanent. Which again, nonsense. She'd only just met him.

Oh but she knew. She knew in her heart. This was something unique. For both of them.

What are you afraid of, River?

Losing him. Having my heart broken again.

Didn't stop you before, why should it stop you now?

I don't know if I could survive another loss.

Nonsense.  He's not the air in  your lungs.  Nor is he the checksum on your file integrity.

He's more than that, isn't he? He's a force of nature.

He's a man. There are plenty of those running around here, if you hadn't noticed.

He's not just a man. 

Oh, the werewolf thing you mean.  Is it your curiosity that drives this fascination?

No, he's not the first non-human I've met.  Don't be ridiculous.

So what is it then? What is it about him that has you so disconcerted?

He's–  Just–

What?  Go on, spit it out.

River closed her book with a frown.  She'd missed both lunch and dinner, and realised if she went to him now, she'd never leave.  She thought maybe The Library could cool the rush in her blood. 

She'd be back, after a time. Tomorrow at the latest.  It was almost midnight when she stood in the bar, looking at the blank space where her door had been.

Some decisions, if left long enough, will be made for you.

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River Song

November 2009

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