Mar. 5th, 2009

hell_in_highheels: (full moon)
Day 1: Full moon tomorrow night.

He looked at me over breakfast. There was a wildness and a longing in his eyes, but I cannot say whether it was for me or for some other place, some other life.

He pressed his cheek to mine for a long moment before kissing me once, so briefly, and then he was gone. I wanted to follow him, like Damocles tight at his heels. My heart was in my throat as I watched the lakeside door close behind him.

He didn't look back.

I think I'm most glad of that. I wouldn't want him to see the tears on my cheeks.

~~~
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell.
~Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892 - 1950), Letters
Day 2: Full moon tonight.

I can't eat. My mouth has no use for food.

I drink tea because I have always drank tea, even in the machine, when food held no purpose.

I miss that damned Doberman, too.

Gods, I hope he's okay.

~~~
My thoughts are my company; I can bring them together, select them, detain them, dismiss them.
~ Walter Landor (1775 - 1864)
Day 3: Full moon just gone.

Last day...

He's done this for two years without me sitting here waiting for him. This is just the way of things.

This is how it will be every month for the rest of my days, if I stay with him.

I can do this. This is nothing compared to 37,000 cycles as a data ghost. This is nothing compared to meeting @ again and having him not recognise me. This is a piece of cake.

He will be tired when he gets home, I imagine. A hot bath and a massage maybe. Sleep, I suspect, and well earned.

I will watch him sleep with a full heart.
To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.
~Anna Louise Strong

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River Song

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